A Journey of “Why”-Part 1

(This post isn’t the one I had planned, polished, and ready to publish for September. And, due to the lack of resources, power being the biggest, and the need to help so many of my neighbors, I did not get a post ready for October either. Missing these two months of sharing Jesus are the first two I’ve missed since I have been blogging.)

I could not make sense of it when God uprooted me from my home on Double Island nearly four years ago. We lived on family land where my husband had built our dream home, and we had raised our family for twenty-eight years. I thought it was to get away from the bad feelings attached to driving by Dad’s house every day, but at the same time, I just couldn’t explain it. I just knew it was what Tim and I were supposed to do. So, we sold our home in November of 2020 and moved to the end of Pensacola. We were excited to experience new events and fresh adventures. 

Hindsight is 20/20! I want to serve God, help people by encouraging them to keep going and spread the love of Jesus to those around me. I had no idea almost four years ago that God moved me to use me. During the flood, I met my neighbors! I got to go door to door checking on people, taking things to them, and asking them what they needed. I got to hug them and tell them, “Today is one day closer to this being over.” As I did this, I began noticing that it wasn’t me bringing them anything really because I always drove away feeling like Mr. Grinch when his heart grew two sizes. 

All of this sounds great, right? It sounds like I was completely prepared and had my positive pants on during the whole flood episode. Nothing could be further from the truth. On day two, Tim decided we should try to climb the mountain and get into Barnardsville. He threw a chainsaw into the side-by-side, and off we went. We hardly made it around the first curve before stopping to cut a tree. Tim sawed, and I dragged the dismembered limbs out of the way. 

As we worked, I asked Tim if this was the Rapture. Had Jesus come back, and we were left behind? Was this Armageddon? Where were all the people? All I could think was, “It’s just us.” I wished I had never read the Left Behind series or watched The Walking Dead. I was living in something I didn’t understand, and I was scared. Life was scary. I had too many questions I wanted and needed answers to, and I had no one to ask.

Finally, about mid-way up the mountain, we found life! I don’t remember this man’s name, but I will always refer to him as Sasquatch. Tim and I were in a massive mess of trees with limbs and leaves everywhere. Tim was sawing, I was dragging, and this man just popped up in the middle of the mess. We had no idea where this man came from. It was just like bam, and he existed! He was a mammoth-sized man with long hair, a long beard, and big eyes that were very excited to see us.  

Once back at the house, I began searching for answers using my only resource: books. Tim has always made fun of me and my book addiction. I’ve never been so happy to be a book addict. The first book I began tearing cover to cover was my Bible. There were clearly two topics I needed to reread about: the Rapture and Armageddon.

Since I didn’t see Jesus in the sky anywhere during the flood, I quickly eliminated any thoughts of this being the Rapture. It also didn’t take me long to eliminate this being the Battle of Armageddon either because the area of focus for that battle will happen in the Middle East. So, I’ve answered those two questions, yet I’m still struggling to make sense of this flood and all the devastation it has left. 

When I taught science years ago, I incorporated reading often. A story I loved including was a mythology story about earthquakes. A few cultures back in the day believed the earth sat on the back of a creature, and when the creature moved, the earth would shake. In Japan, they referred to the creature as a catfish; it was a giant frog in Mongolia; in China, it was referenced as an ox, and in some parts of South America, they recognized it as a whale. 

Middle school students found humor, of course, in these theories until I explained a few things. For starters, we talked about the genre we were reading, which was mythology. Next, we discussed this not being a modern-day theory and that future generations may look at some of our present-day ideas and find humor in them. Finally, I pointed out that, funny or not, at least the mythological reasoning provided an “answer” to the people of that time. Whether ridiculous or not, explanations can tame people’s fears. Centuries later, I am doing the same thing the people did with the earthquakes: searching for answers. I’m looking for black-and-white answers, and I’m wondering why. 

The first stop I made in searching for answers happened at the Pensacola Volunteer Fire Department. I knew there was a pastor there I could chat with. I was so floored when he pointed me to Job in the Bible that I don’t know how I even responded to him. It caught me off guard because it was at that moment that I realized I had been hearing the word “Job” over and over in my mind. Here’s the thing: God wasn’t yelling “Job” at me. He was very quietly whispering it to me. I’ve been so disappointed that I missed Him saying that to me and that someone else had to point it out. It really bothered me because there was so much silence around me then. But isn’t that how it is sometimes? Sometimes, I am so caught up in life that I miss hearing Him, I miss seeing Him, I miss getting to be His vessel.   

Over the past six weeks, I’ve been thoughtfully and intentionally tearing the book of Job apart, analyzing it, and learning what I can from it. When I began the study, I was on a mission to know why the flood had happened, what caused it, and how can we prevent it from ever happening again. Six weeks later, I have so many things I want to share from Job. I mean so much that it won’t all fit in this space! 

For now, I want to share something from The Tony Evans Bible Commentary that has helped me, and I hope it will help you, too. (Please excuse the underlining; it’s just how I comprehend and process.) Mr. Evans points out that I don’t know all the answers because I’m not supposed to know. Despite how intelligent my mind wants me to think I am, I am not God. Aside from the scientific weather data, I will probably never know why the flood happened. Yet I do know that Hebrews 13:5 (KJV) says, “Let our conversation be without covetousness, and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” Even in our messes, God is present and in control! Right now, it’s so easy to be distracted by the devastation and caught up in survival that it’s easy to forget who is in control. I’m glad God has reminded me through His biblical word and Mr. Evans that God is still in control.

I think Job, too, forgot God is in control. I’m currently in chapter 33, and up until now, Job has been feuding with his three friends and begging for a way to petition his case before God. Job is hurt physically and emotionally, he’s angry, and he’s seeking answers. It’s ironic how similar Job’s feelings are to mine. Many times during this, I have said to myself that God had the power to control and even prevent this. Job did the same thing. He knew God could fix his issues if only he could present his case to Him. I think Job and I were both looking to God to be a fixer; in doing so, we missed that He IS in control. Our finite minds focused on God the Fixer, not God the King, Creator, Sustainer, and the One in Control.

Next blog post: Job 1:19: the big wind Satan used to destroy the home where all of Job’s children were meeting.

Tony Evans, The Tony Evans Bible Commentary (Nashville: HarperCollins Christian Publishing, 2019), 498.